Struggles-12/13

I know no one said motherhood was easy, but the moments you discover it for yourself are tough! Hudson had a growth spurt last weekend and ever since he has not been sleeping! The two days of the growth spurt (feedings every hour and a half to two hours) were tough, but at least with a growth spurt I knew it was temporary. Now he isn't eating as frequently, but he still isn't sleeping and it's been over a week! The thing though that I'm struggling with the most isn't the exhaustion, it's my diet! I've realized through all of this how much I rely on food. When Hudson screamed for 15 minutes straight today because he was overtired I would have grabbed a handful of chocolate after to calm my nerves, but I can't have chocolate. Last night we had to go pick up Nic's car from the shop and my first thought was how nice it would be if we could have grabbed ice cream or frozen yogurt as a little mood lifter. Yesterday morning when I woke up exhausted from a rough night with the little man i wanted to push Hudson in the stroller down to Starbucks to get one of those holiday drinks everyone keeps posting all over the internet. Going out to dinner, grabbing takeout, even making dinner are all simple, fun activities that have become depressing, difficult experiences. I always knew I loved food, but I never realized how big a part of my life it is. There are so many moments that I'm tempted to give up, to be selfish, give Hudson formula and eat whatever I want, but every time I look at Hudson I remember why I am doing this. He is worth all the sacrifices, but it doesn't mean that it is easy.