After 19 months, I am officially done nursing. It is certainly bitter sweet (and to be honest more bitter than sweet). Breastfeeding takes a lot of energy, which is something I don't have a lot of these days so having one less baby relying on me for nutrients is a relief. It will also be good to get a break before baby number two comes. I can eat whatever I want after a long time of being on a very restricted diet and I will have a bit more freedom for a while, but in all honestly, it makes me sad. Hudson made this choice completely on his own. He slowly started dropping feeds and the last few weeks he has only done the morning feed, which has been getting shorter and shorter until I finally realized 2 seconds of nursing is silly. I had a very difficult start to breastfeeding and honestly didn't know if I would get to do it at all. Once Hudson and I got into a groove, I made it my goal to make it to 6 months of exclusively breastfeeding. Once we reached that milestone, I said I wanted to make it a year. After the one year mark, I assumed Hudson would quickly wean like many of my friends children did, but our breastfeeding relationship kept going strong. I secretly made a new goal to make it to two years, so I was a bit sad when he became less and less interested long before the 2 year mark. I really was starting to think I could be one of those moms who nursed both her children, but Hudson weaned himself, which is ultimately what I had always wanted: to breastfeed until he was ready to stop.
This photo was taken at Hudson's 1 year photo shoot. I honestly never thought I would share it. It was for me to have to remind myself how challenging breastfeeding had been for me, but also what a joy and blessing it's been as well. I really feel that this photo captures that special bond between a mother and child and reminds me of those quiet moments I got to spend cuddling Hudson while I nursed him. I worked really hard to breastfeed for as long as I did and I am proud of it. :)
One thing that I found really interesting about breastfeeding is how quickly opinions change in regards to it. When you have a newborn, everyone praises you for breastfeeding. I always wanted to be an open-minded mom and although I ended up being rather passionate about breastfeeding, I would never judge a mother for formula feeding. I certainly know first hand how challenging breastfeeding can be and I think that loving your child and making the best choices for your family are far more important than breastfeeding. I do however see a lot of formula feeding mamas being made to feel badly about making that choice (or perhaps being forced into that choice for one reason or another). Around 1 year though, the tables turn. Apparently there is some unwritten rule that you are a Goddess Mama if you make it to the one year mark, but if you go past this deadline, you are suddenly committing a social crime. I see mom's post all the time that the last day they breastfeed is literally on their child's 1st birthday and the very next day they switch to cow's milk and breastfeeding is over. As soon as Hudson's 1st birthday passed, the feelings and comments of praise quickly turned very judgemental. "Are you still breastfeeding?" "Jeez, are you gonna breastfeed until he's 5?" "Don't you think he is too old to be breastfed" "How much longer are you planning to nurse him?" (with a weird sideways glance that implies I should stop immediately). "When they can ask for it, you really should stop" "You know it is only beneficial for the first 6 months, right?" "Why haven't you stopped breastfeeding him yet?" The comments and questions were never ending. I didn't let them get to me, but suddenly my formula and cow's milk feeding mama's were the Goddesses and I was a freak!
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