Dr. Nelson

After acknowledging that I thought I had post partum depression, I procrastinated on making an appointment with my doctor. It was hard enough to admit it to myself and then to Nic and I was extremely nervous to take that next step. I finally forced myself to make an appointment with my gynecologist. I had been planning to make an appointment anyways because I was having really bad pain in my chest, plus I was too chicken to tell them PPD was the main reason I was coming in. 

While I waited for my appointment to roll around, I reached out to a sorority sister who had been open about having PPD. She had some really great tips for me and mostly it just felt nice to have someone to talk to who could relate. She said my number one priority was to sleep train Luc. I knew I couldn't do that yet as his pediatrician and allergy doctor both felt we should wait, but I knew that finally getting sleep would be a huge turning point for me emotionally. She also suggested exercising, getting outside, making time for date nights and finding some time for me each day. It's funny, every suggestion she gave me were things I was already trying to do or had been thinking about, but couldn't figure out a way to make them happen. I had asked for babysitting as my Christmas gifts, I had my nanny working an extra day (which was supposed to be so I could sleep, tackle my to do list and pamper myself a little, but instead had been filled with running the kids all over the place to doctor appointments and Gymboree classes), I had been taking the boys for walks to the park when things got rough and I had been talking to Nic about getting back to doing our gym dates like we had done after Hudson was born. Sometimes I guess you just need to hear things from someone else to confirm that they are important. They all seem so simple and things we totally take for granted before we have kids, but putting her suggestions into practice was actually really hard and I think that is partly what was tearing me up emotionally - that realization that simple necessities like sleep, exercise, and me time were so difficult to make happen. 

On January 20th, I had my doctor appointment with Dr. Nelson. I was so nervous. I have a really great relationship with my doctor and I felt ashamed to admit what was going on. I didn't want her opinion of me to change or for her to see me in a negative light. As soon as I said I think I might have PPD I burst into tears. I did a lot of crying as she asked me questions, but the worst moment of the conversation was when she said, "but you haven't had thoughts of hurting yourself or your baby right?' and I had to answer yes. I felt like such a horrible person. After talking for a while, we decided together that I would try therapy first, then if I didn't feel better, she would prescribe me medicine. I was relieved that I wasn't going to have to take meds as that scared me and my doctor definitely made me feel very comfortable, normal and optimistic that things were going to improve. I left so relieved that I had overcome the next step in my journey.