1st Doctor Visit

On Monday, August 27th, we took Hudson in for his first doctor appointment. We got Hudson all ready which of course took longer than we expected and moments before we walked out the door I realized I needed to pack the diaper bag. I threw stuff in quickly and we miraculously made it to our appointment on time. (It helped that the pediatrician's office is only 5 minutes from our house). We were feeling all excited walking in. I had managed to shower and put on a dress and was all proud of myself that I had it all so together only days after my baby had been born. 

Hudson of course pooped as soon as we put him in the carseat (thank goodness I packed that diaper bag), but he was so good and slept peacefully in the waiting room while we waited to be called back. 

The first thing they did was weigh him. He weighed 7 pounds 10 ounces. Nic and I both knew that was a bit worrisome as it was over the normal weight loss percentage. The nurse said he looked jaundice and checked his bilirubin levels. Apparently it was quite high so they needed to do a blood test to get a more accurate number. Our happiness and excitement over "the 1st doctor visit" had diminished. My heart sank as we waited for the doctor to come in. 

We got very fortunate that the pediatrician we had that day happened to also be the lactation consultant. She asked me about my milk supply and spent a good deal of time helping me with Hudson's latch and showing me what to look for to ensure he was getting milk. It turned out he hadn't been transferring very well. She instructed us to feed Hudson every 2 hours and showed us techniques to keep him awake during the feedings. She said to aim for 20 minutes on each side every feeding. 

The doctor was very supportive and encouraging, but I still felt like the worst mother ever! I could barely hold it together the entire visit and the second we got out the door I burst into tears. My mind raced with the misleading information we had been given at the hospital. (During one feed Hudson ate for about 15 minutes on one side then still seemed hungry so I fed him on the other. When I casually mentioned it to the nurse she told me that was too long and I was overfeeding him, so when he only fed for about 10 minutes a feed over the weekend I figured it was normal).  (The lactation consultant at the hospital was really rude to me because I hadn't attended her class and didn't even watch me feed Hudson or offer any helpful advice). (The pediatrician made the whole jaundice thing seem so casual and never mentioned what to look for, warning signs, or reasons to call). (I also became upset about the whole circumcision/going so long without eating issue that occurred the day we left). I became overwhelmed with guilt that we had spent the entire day before focused more on photos than on feedings and I mostly felt terrible that Nic and I had ignored some warning signs. We are both people who don't get sick very often and don't call doctors or obsess over every little thing so we took on that same attitude with Hudson not realizing that with a newborn little things become big problems very quickly. We had noticed on Sunday that his eyes looked a bit yellow and that his pee seemed quite yellow, but didn't know these were call the doctor right away type of issues. I felt like such an idiot because I had read so many books and obsessed over so many things and then felt so un-educated and like I had failed my little boy. I cried hysterically the entire way home and spent most of the rest of the day crying. 

That afternoon the pediatrician called with Hudson's bilirubin results. His levels were 19.3 (apparently at 20 they usually send newborns to the hospital). She told us they were sending a bilirubin blanket to our house and that we needed to come back the next day for him to be checked again. It really broke my heart to see our little guy in that blanket.